when I said 4 I meant 5. | What am I doing with my life...a puzzling post.

This picture goes well with this post because I've got a bit of a puzzle to solve. It's also the last of the posts today because I've been dreading it. And now I am going to proceed to word tumble all over this page...I would suggest just looking at the pretty picture and then moving on with your day but if you're into some heavy reading, read on.

My mother said it best the other day, really bopped it on the head. "Your photos are beautiful, wish your life was." Ouch. She's right. Maybe that's why my photos *are* beautiful, because I'm trying to create the sort of utopia I wish I lived in. But a lot of factors go into life being not-so-beautiful right now. Some things I won't share here but the career chaos I will.

Photography is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. It is not what I am most proud of. So why do I spend all day doing it? Why do I press on when it's not really working out for me lucratively or fulfilling me anymore? Perhaps I am burnt out and need a break. I don't mind doing photography part time. I obviously have a passion for it. But it is not my only passion and I need to admit that to myself.

My main passions are performance & music. Not because of an idealized fantasy I have about those professions, but because of the reality of them. Even the political crap. I am not one of those people who think that they can sing or perform, I actually can sing & perform so why don't I concentrate on it? Why don't I do a million things like hang out with the old lady next door or pick up the guitar that sits here with me all day? I don't know, but it needs to change.

It's rough. For you as well, I'm sure. How do I keep my marriage, and a career in performance, music & photography? It sounds like something has to give, right? I'm not so sure. I am thinking something has to not give, actually. They all need to work for things to function and I am finding that out. So what does that mean? Am I going to close up the shop and move to new york city? Unfortunately, no. I don't think things are going to work like that, either. I'm going to try the snowball instead of avalanche technique. But it does mean less time in photography, on etsy, blogging, etc. At least 50% less. This will be a needed challenge. I feel like this is when we are training Ansel to do new tricks and we say to him "Try something else!" and he gets all happy and wags his tail but he doesn't know how to do something else...yet. I don't have the networking I need in theater yet or the location. Buy my tails a waggin'! Game plan:

less photography MORE theater
less internet MORE exercise
less thinking MORE doing

It's easy to answer why I spend so much time with photography, it's accessible! It's easy for me! I have a great group of girls to help me with any problem that comes along! It's quick and portable! I'm coming at this moderately, not huge changes, just small tweaks, and then medium tweaks. Haha, this could take years. And I'm not afraid of that. Now, trying to concentrate on theater while living in guam...yes, I am afraid of that. But God puts things in our path for a reason and I will try to keep that in mind. There is more than one way to solve a rubix cube ;)

Maybe you have your own chaotic career story to share...some words of advice? I have been reading Do What You Love And The Money Will Follow and I feel like I am just on the verge of figuring out how all these things can work in tandem, but I'm not there yet. Maybe you can help.

I just had to get it out there! More good news on marriage, photography & theater, the whole family, to come. ;)

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